The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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