i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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