I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he shaved USA in his pubs
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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