Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I intend to get homeless drunk
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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