I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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