You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
