New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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