Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
