Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
