A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
