hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Two words: nipple clamps
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