next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I need to stop coming to work sober
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
