you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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