I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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