I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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