Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
