i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
