Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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