I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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