Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
