i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
