I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
