My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
