i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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