But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
