i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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