make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
