It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
