Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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