This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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