What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
