He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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