I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
