remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
