your parents love me but you hate me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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