Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
