and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
