Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
