Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
