We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
