Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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