i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
