I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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