I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
