Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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