He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
