I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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