Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
