He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
