I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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