using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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