Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
