I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
